Shabbat: An Autistic Perspective
by Rafi Josselson
Shabbat has been a time for Jews to reflect and relax throughout the centuries. It has been an opportunity to connect with G-D. The world runs at a constant velocity and tempo for six days and then stops. It slows. Like G-D, the world refreshes.
Shabbat customs vary from Jew to Jew. For most of my life, I was not Shabbat observant but I used Saturday to relax. To sleep in. To read. To spend time with family and friends. Then I became observant - why? How did it benefit me as Autistic?
My first and oldest shabbat tradition with my family is Shabbat dinner. My aunts and uncle, cousins, grandparents, and sometimes family friends gather at my grandparents’ house for dinner each Friday. The menu varies. One week we could celebrate a birthday and have London broil and chocolate chip cookies. Another week we could have focaccia pizza and teriyaki salmon. No matter what, we always begin with Kiddush and Motzei (Jewish blessings over wine and challah) and have a good conversation with family I haven’t seen all week. It’s nice and refreshing. It resets me.
I haven’t stopped going to Shabbat dinner, but that used to be the bulk of what I observed. I took Saturday to rest and I hate to admit that even into tenth grade, I did homework on Shabbat and stressed myself out over the news. Even with the weekend, I did not give myself a break. This meant that on Shabbat I was both anxious and burnt out. Let me explore those two.
I was anxious 7 days a week. Although my work was spread out and quite reasonable, I never let it go. I had no break. I held myself in a prison. The weekend was no different than the week; it felt like a marathon of work and stress. I was always committed to being accessible and connected. I would answer an email immediately, even at 11pm when falling asleep. I would constantly check test scores, news updates, and more. I found myself skipping Shabbat dinner regularly because I was at a breaking point each Friday. The pressure was always building. Without a valve to release this steam, I would inevitably burst.
And then I had Autistic burnout. Masking (see Unmasking Autism, on my website), sensory overloads, socializing, and staying on task made me tired. I never felt rested. My body felt exhausted without a moment to slow down. I needed to rest to recharge my batteries but I didn’t do that. Instead, week after week, I experienced Autistic burnout.
Enter sophomore year. I was stuck in a cycle of burnout and anxiety on the brink of disaster. I went to my Shabbaton. I didn’t think much of it. I had tried observing Shabbat before and it did not feel special, so I didn’t have a reason to believe this time would be different. And nothing dramatically changed during the Shabbaton. I didn’t have a moment of revelation or abnormal spiritual connection. It wasn’t until after the Shabbaton that I re-examined Shabbat. When they gave back our phones and I went onto the bus, I noticed that I was hesitant to turn it on. For once I felt that I wanted to return to the royal Shabbat. Shabbat had not changed. It was the same as I had experienced years prior. But I had changed. Something had clicked into place. I felt better after being unplugged for the day. So I decided to try keeping shabbat for one weekend. And that led to another. And another after that. With limited exceptions, I have kept shabbat continuously now for almost a year.
Why has this worked so well for me? Well, it gave me a break from my anxiety and stress; it interrupted my cycle of Autistic burnout. This positive result was not surprising to me. However, I noticed some other interesting and unexpected results.
By going to synagogue more and more often I was able to reset in other, different ways. I reflected upon my week. Stimming-wise, tefillah is a joyful way to express myself and connect to my culture (see Tefillah: An Autistic Experience, on my website). Socially, I could spend time with members of my synagogue community in a relaxed setting. This wasn’t the hectic hallways of Leffell or Zoom meetings of Hartman but a calm social environment: where you say hello over a nice bagel, chat about the parsha and assist in a Ruach Shabbat (younger children's shabbat programming). Synagogue became a significant reset zone.
At home, I have also discovered unimagined ways to reset my battery. Without my alarm or an artificial light, my sleep is more natural. My body recharges as needed. I can take naps to relax myself further. And if I don’t need a nap there is always a good book to charge my brain.
I have seen many sensory benefits to observing Shabbat. Going to school drains my sensory battery. No matter what I do during the week, I will inevitably be surrounded by noise, smells, and lights. When I isolate myself from outside influences for a period on shabbat, I not only recharge my anxiety battery but my sensory battery as well.
There is also the opportunity for me to spend time with my family. This again gets back to my tradition with my family at shabbat dinner. I have noticed that on Shabbat, without a phone or schoolwork to distract me I can have meaningful conversations with my family, especially my mother. I am not going to get into them here because they are personal but I have seen a strengthening of our relationship. Also, there is one other family member I get to spend a good amount of time with on Shabbat: my dog Simmy. On Shabbat, I enjoy walking him or cuddling with him while reading a book.
I also spend time with myself. I mentioned this in a previous blog but meditation does not work for me. I can’t shut off my brain. I think this is my Autism. Usually, my brain is occupied by work or my phone but on Shabbat, my brain can wander and this can be good. I can think about the things that may have slipped my mind. I can reflect on what I have done recently that has been good and bad and so on.
Shabbat is not for everyone, but there is value in taking time to yourself. At the very least, everyone should disconnect or unplug at some point. It doesn’t necessarily need to be on shabbat or for a whole day but disconnecting and relaxing has countless benefits for your mental health and relationships.
Rafi Josselson is an autistic junior at the Leffell School in Westchester County. Rafi has spoken at multiple places across the Northeast including; Solomon Schechter Day School of Bergen County, Temple Israel Center, and, the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School. He also has written blogs for MATAN, for his own website and now for Jewish Disability Inclusion News. Rafi hopes to spread a message of Empathy, Inclusion, Awareness, and, Acceptance through his work. Outside of Autism Advocacy; Rafi is the co-president of his shul’s USY Chapter, a Hartman Teen Fellow, a counselor at Ramah Day Camp in Nyack, a section editor for his school’s newspaper, and, an avid reader of both books and the news.