Making Creative Accommodations for Our Son's Wonderful Bar Mitzvah

by Jason Lieberman

Two weeks ago, I had the absolute honor and joy of celebrating my son’s Bar Mitzvah with family, friends, and our community. As someone with a disability, married to an amazing wife who has been a disability advocate her entire adult life, we were prepared to make adaptations for our son’s Bar Mitzvah. While our son is on the autism spectrum and has other learning disabilities, we already knew each Bar or Bat mitzvah is different, as each person is different and has differing challenges, whether they have been diagnosed with a disability or not received such a diagnosis. 

When we began our journey with our son we did not know what his Bar Mitzvah would look like. After all, at a minimum, all that a Bar Mitzvah boy needs to do is turn 13. We wanted him to do as much as he was both able and comfortable doing. He is not comfortable in front of large crowds. Therefore, doing parts of the service and D’var Torah on Shabbat morning was not going to be a good fit for him. We decided together, with his Bar Mitzvah teacher, that he would learn the blessing for an aliyah and how to chant part of his Torah portion and he would do a bigger “learning project” to be able to share with our guests in a way that worked for him. To be honest, his mother and I were happy he wanted to do anything. In fact, three weeks before the big day while practicing in the synagogue sanctuary, he got very frustrated and almost decided that he didn’t want to do anything. However, he persevered and was spectacular. 

His D’var Torah was recorded on Thursday evening and shown to our family and friends on Sunday, during a child-friendly party which included arcade games as well as a spectacular meal. By recording the D’var Torah, he did not have to perform in front of a large crowd, but a large crowd got the opportunity to hear his unique sense of humor and all he had learned about the parsha (portion), current events, and Jewish history, without worrying about the crowd. It was a perfect weekend.

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Diagnosed with CP, Jason Lieberman is a lifetime disability advocate. He’s part of the Jewish Disability Inclusion News Advisory Board. Jason is a sought-after speaker in the US & abroad, mostly on Judaism & disability. He and his wife and son live in NYC.